Man, it has been a little while since I posted on here but to my defense this second round of Chemo has been rough. I feel like I gave myself a false sense of security during the first round about how well I felt and this round of chemo snuck up behind me and just layed me out hard.
My last full week of chemotherapy is done (as far as I know) which is a real burden that is off my back right now because to be honest I dont know how the people do it that need to have many more months of treatment than I do at the moment. Those people are real troopers, and they need every bit of encouragement they can get while going through this hard time.
Over the weekend, I really just slept. All day, all night just trying to sleep because everything else felt almost unmanageable to do. I was planning on going to work Monday and then going Tuesday for my chemo but Monday just wasn't happening. The only way I can really explain how I felt is by saying that I just felt like someone unplugged me or took out my batteries. Even going to get a drink of water or use the restroom seemed like a task that could take all day and it kind of got me into a funk.
I'm feeling much better today although not perfect but I have to take what I can get at this point. I am starting to see that silver lining or the end of the road and hopefully I wont have any speed bumps impeding my progress toward a full recovery from this awful disease.
I had a hard realization the other day when I thought about how I was downplaying my own condition and feelings to spare my family and friends from unwanted worries on my part. I've spent a lot of time saying how I feel good and I'm OK and that things are going well but I guess its just in my nature to not have people worrying about me. The hard truth is that Cancer is a horrible terrible disease, and even I fooled myself into thinking I was feeling better than I actually am. I've never been more tired, exhausted, frustrated, angry, weak, concerned and helpless than I have felt in the past months and it is the constant support and encouragement I get from my family, friends, coworkers, nurses, doctors and readers that even makes this remotely bearable. Like the good soldier I always wanted to be, I am going to move forward and take whatever life throws at me but know that you are appreciated in these times.
Truth be told, no one, not family, friends, co-workers, doctors or nurses know what you are going through or how you feel. We lean on you to support us as much as we stand by in support of you. The fears and anxiety we have over what is happening has been great. We all Love You. We all want this to be the final chapter in this book called cancer. We want you, Sarah, Nathan and Jackson to go on from here without the shadow of disease hanging over you. You have been the soldier that fought the good battle. If medals were awarded there would be one hanging from your chest. I am proud of you for what you have done and how you handled the situation. Your strength and stamina will return as your body recoups. Keep the positive attitude and the smile. Always here for you . UE
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